RaceTrack

Edson S. Conn

Dad was born a runner 

He wasn’t supposed to die defeated 

He wasn’t done living his life 

Given some more time 

He would have become great 

All of us watching him thrive 

On nights I can’t sleep 

I ask God why he took him 

Why he took mom’s comfort 

Leaving her with only memories 

Sometimes God will answer 

Because I’m creating something 

Something more than he was 

And it will be good 

I do complain 

To both God and mom 

Which isn’t fair 

But how else 

Sometimes I’ll get mad 

At my mom and God 

As if they can bring him back 

But now I know I have to stop 

Because it has been a while 

And he is still dead 

So last night I asked God 

When will he start that something new 

I think he was upset 

He replied to my cry 

How much longer child 

Until you notice the good work 

The craft of my own hands and love 

The work is already started 

Now 

I truly trust my God 

In all that he says 

Because my father had great faith 

And all his actions glorified God 

I made a promise to dad 

Before he died 

That my life belongs to God 

He crafted me to be good 

But 

Living with God has its imperfections 

I have to say 

And my emotions can’t keep up 

I lost a part of me forever 

God keeps telling me that he replaced it already 

But yet I still feel broken 

Like his space is still empty

What’s the deal with father 

You ask 

I will say many things 

He was a track star 

A wonderful father to me 

And a wonderful husband to my mom  

Multiple Olympic gold medalists 

He ran the 3000 meters 

He was good 

Sadly 

He suffered from prostate cancer 

And he passed away 

He was training for his third Olympic try 

But never ran the race 

He and everybody else knew 

I still ask God why 

Mom told me to trust God 

She always tells me 

If you are willing 

He is able 

At first 

I ignored her advice 

But now I find it useful 

For the past couple of days 

I have talked to God 

And he told me to follow dad’s footsteps 

And now I’m fighting with God 

Because I don’t run 

And if you think I do 

I don’t 

So I ignored God this time 

On Monday morning 

The week after spring break 

Again God told me to follow dad I refused to listen 

So he created the school cross-country team 

And now Mr. Festa 

The coach 

Won’t leave me alone 

When mom found the flyer 

She again repeated her words 

If you are willing 

He is able 

By Friday I’ve had enough 

God 

Why do you hate me like this 

My name is now on that registration sheet

Mom is telling me to chill 

She only shrugs when I complain 

I’m the fattest kid 

How am I supposed to run 

That was father’s job 

God is staying silent 

The first practice comes quick 

The other kids snicker at me I want to run and hide 

Sorry 

I want to hide 

I don’t want to run at all 

But God is being cruel to me 

There is eight of us total 

All of them classmates of mine 

Three of them close buddies 

We do most things together 

But the only thing is 

They are all fit to run 

And I’m not 

Festa is making me sweat 

We’re still only on warm-ups 

A jerk has to tell me 

The first practice was the hardest 

We had to jog the whole track 

All 400 meters of it 

He had to time me 

I was the only one who died 

Felt like my body had burst 

How in the world did father do this 

Back in bed 

Awake of course 

The covers over my head 

I hear my name being called 

Jones 

Jones 

Jones 

Doesn’t sound like mother 

I sit in silence 

Waiting 

Jones 

Jones 

Jones

It’s louder and clear 

Like its close to me 

But I’m too afraid to get up 

And check under my bed 

The next best thing 

I yell for mom 

That darn woman is fast 

She like Jessie Owens 

What is wrong Jones 

Someone is under my bed 

He is calling my name 

Six times already 

I lay shaking under my cover 

She doesn’t help 

I feel her smiling 

Jones 

Do you still believe those fables 

Monsters aren’t real 

Go back to bed 

And if you hear your name again 

Answer like this 

Yes God 

Here I am 

What 

Is this woman crazy 

God doesn’t talk to me from under the bed 

As soon as she closes the door 

I hear my name again 

Jones 

Jones 

Jones 

I’m very scared 

But I follow mom’s instructions 

Yes God 

Here I am 

Silence 

Then the voice again 

Jones 

Why do you have so little faith 

My work is good 

Do you not trust me 

What in the world is he talking about 

You told me to run

God 

You and I both know 

That I’m not built to run 

There is a long sad silence 

Jones 

Then what are you built for 

I don’t know God 

Jones 

I made you with my hands 

I know you inside and out 

Why do you have so little faith 

Give me something else 

I can’t run God 

I’m not made for that 

Again 

God give me the long silence 

What am I saying 

It was only for one day 

I tried again 

God 

Yes Jones 

How about I make you a deal 

I’ll go to practice tomorrow 

If I still don’t like it 

Then you give me something else 

If I change my mind 

Then you win 

I plan to say it’s bad 

The better choice 

And get something new 

Jones 

Yes God 

Here I am 

Jones 

Why do you have so little faith 

Do you not trust me 

I have started a good work in you 

And I will complete it 

God 

There is nothing in me 

I’m a fat kid 

And I can’t run 

A disgrace to my mother

Silence 

God 

Yes Jones 

Did you hear me 

Yes I did 

… 

Jones 

Yes God 

Here I am 

… 

Will you be willing 

I think so God 

Then I will be able 

Silence for a century 

Be able to what God 

He doesn’t answer 

God 

Gives me more silent treatment 

The second practice comes even faster 

Festa said three times a week 

Which only means 

Three times a week in Hell 

Just great 

I struggle through stretches 

Don’t ask how 

The practice itself 

I only died again 

I can’t do this anymore 

The other kids 

To them 

It’s like a sixth sense 

While the fat boy stumbles around 

Trying to find his first five scenes 

How am I to show my face again 

As soon as I get home 

I find mother in her room 

Dusting dad’s medals gently 

I decide to help

There are many medals 

Excluding the two gold 

When I feel like she is distracted 

I tell her of my new plan 

Mom 

I’m going on a diet 

No more fatness for me 

She doesn’t hesitate 

She only smiles 

Like she was expecting it 

Remember always my son If you are willing 

God is able 

Yeah 

Yeah 

Whatever 

This is for me only 

Has nothing to do with God 

Nothing to do with dad 

Nothing to do with mom 

Nothing to do with the team 

God knows this 

The first days are like Hell 

Having to give up my sodas 

Cutting down on sugar intake 

And having to eat that green stuff 

And all these healthy drinks 

With all the weird chunky stuff 

How do people do this 

I’ve just learned something 

Being determined causes pain 

I’ve already lost five pounds 

And I feel like crap 

I feel sore everywhere 

Like I’m about to die 

Again 

But I’ve done other things 

Good things 

I’ve improved my speed 

I’ve created new challenges 

And I’m not the slowest kid anymore 

So screw all you haters 

… 

Sorry 

I just had to say that 

I think God is mad at me 

He hasn’t been answering me 

I’ve been calling his name

To tell him of my success 

He won’t even tell me 

What I’m doing wrong 

Just straight up stopped talking 

What about his new project 

The first meet came quick 

Sort of sneaked upon us 

And I’m not anywhere near ready 

Still got giant flab on me 

Watching the other racers 

I’m nowhere close to them 

So I refuse the first race 

I need more time 

Plus I’m out of tune with God 

Festa gives me the glare 

What’s his problem 

He isn’t running 

When I get home 

Mom isn’t there 

So I go to my room 

To try God’s number again 

God 

… 

Please answer me 

I know he isn’t deaf 

So whats’ his excuse 

Wait 

… 

I hear something 

He is near 

Jones 

Jones 

Jones 

See 

I told you he wasn’t deaf 

Yes God 

Here I am 

What took you so long 

Why does that matter to you 

I am the beginning and the end, Jones 

Tell me about your first race 

Gosh dang it 

I knew he was going to say that 

Is he going to answer my question

Uhhh 

… 

I decided not to run 

I don’t have what it takes 

I can run 

But not as good as the others 

They would smoke me 

Jones 

What are the words of your mother 

If you are willing 

He is able 

Jones 

Why do you have so little faith 

Why do you forget 

The hands that crafted you 

I don’t abandon my people 

Why so little faith 

I was afraid you wouldn’t show up 

I would need you most 

And I wouldn’t find you 

Everybody would’ve laughed 

Jones 

I will complete a good work 

How and when is for me to know Just have faith 

For I am able 

God left me confused 

Nothing he said helped me 

So I cry under my blanket 

Until there were no more tears 

Then I go run 

Slow and long 

Replenishing my mind 

The next race I’m running 

Coach Festa was mad I chickened 

But I promised better next time 

He still worked me the hardest 

Half the practice 

I was trying not to die 

Because I was tired 

My breath came in slow bursts 

But I promised myself not to quit 

It’s an amazing thing 

The mind is 

Once you put it to something 

It never let’s go 

Until its task is accomplished 

So you might be asking

What happened during the next race 

Well 

Let me tell you 

For the next five races 

If you may 

I won them all 

Broke records my father had set 

During his school years 

All 3000 meters of that race track 

Guess it’s in the blood 

My new record time is 9:49 

Dad was 10:11 

During his middle school years 

Just like me 

But the thing is 

I’m different 

And I’m headed in great places 

That father was in 

The final round 

The last duel 

The overtime 

The last straw 

The championships 

God’s been silent again lately 

Maybe too shocked to speak 

Wondering how I’m doing this 

When I come in with that trophy 

We’ll see what he has to say 

Mother keeps saying its God’s work 

That I’m this good 

She keeps saying God is doing this 

That God did this to me 

I don’t think God has anything 

Nothing 

To do with this 

I’m the one doing all the hard work 

Getting my records 

And for God to get all the credit 

No sir 

That can’t do 

The coach said I had to keep loose 

Or I’ll never make it 

Through the first round that is 

He gave us a week off before the race 

Maybe because none of us could focus 

So I spent my time running miles

The least I ran was 3.1 

In my own world 

Without a care of nothing 

But the track in front of me 

The championship races are of three rounds 

Each round holds 7 races 

Only the best advance 

My father was good 

He only made it to the middle of the second 

On his first year racing 

And the next year 

He couldn’t make it to the third round 

Until he turned 20 

He won the next year 

But again 

I’m different 

The first round 

Races started Saturday 

Mom had forced me to bed early 

Made me eat a giant breakfast 

Though I fed most of it to the dog 

Then she had me do yoga 

Which I did for my sake 

Then I had to get to the race track 

And repeat the warm-ups 

That’s what they all thought 

Slow and steady wins the race 

That is 

Until Usain Bolt showed up 

All snails to lightning 

That’s why I go by my rules 

Feel them first 

Race them second 

Beat them third 

My race 

My track 

My rules 

On my race track 

Mom showed up for the first race 

Which was a waste of time 

Because I made the mistake Of getting to last place 

We were all disappointed But hey 

I have six races left 

To make everything right 

The second race was worse

I tripped over a kids leg 

And almost broke my nose 

I was kicked off the track 

Before I had a mile in 

I spoke to nobody but God 

The only answer to this sudden failure God 

Yes Jones 

God 

Why is this happening 

I tripped and fell 

I was kicked off the track 

Where were you 

Sometimes you blame your siblings But I have none 

Sometimes you blame your parents But I only have one 

And I already blamed her for the first race 

Sometimes you blame your pets 

But mines too stupid to understand 

So sometimes I blame God 

Just because I can 

Jones 

You have deserted me 

You have abandoned me 

And so do the same to you 

You don’t need me anymore 

I didn’t abandon you 

And you kept speaking of a project 

One greater than my father 

You won’t tell me anything else 

So I went by myself 

Jones 

Man does not live by bread alone 

What are you talking about 

Jones 

You left me 

Your everlasting creator 

And went for the world 

… 

What is he talking about 

When was I ever with him 

I’ve always been in this world 

He was the one who put me here 

Why is he blaming me 

God 

Say father didn’t die 

Would he have run the race 

And gotten another medal

No Jones 

Why not God 

Jones 

Because his turn is done 

It’s your turn now 

What 

I lost my last two races 

What makes you think 

That I can run in the Olympics 

Jones 

I made you a good creation 

And once I start a good work 

I will bring it to completion 

The day before the third race 

I slept soundly 

I had a good shower 

I ate good food 

And drank a lot of water 

Mom wanted me to eat protein bars 

I refused the more she begged I made sure to say my prayers 

Unlike before when I forgot 

It wasn’t that packed 

The race track 

People usually came around the fourth-fifth race 

Because then you know who qualifies 

And most people 

The ones who don’t care a thing 

Come to see the eliminations 

I made sure to ignore them 

Their ugly faces and nasty chances 

coach made sure I knew my status 

Where I where 

And my fate 

He told me his disappointments 

Said he knew my potential 

As if he knows my struggles also 

Out on that race track 

Nothing in him showed his depressing speech to me 

I got into my lane 

I did this for the next four races 

I got down on my knees 

In front of everybody else 

And asked God for a miracle 

Which he gave to me 

Let’s just say good things come from the lord 

And victories are good 

I didn’t win the seventh race

But I didn’t win the second round 

The second round 

We celebrated the victories 

Mom and I alone 

Though father would have said otherwise 

He would’ve said 

Victory parties are worth nothing 

Unless the fight is over 

I say round one is done 

We started with nine racers 

And now its six racers 

I’m one of them 

Still on that race track 

Going for the second round 

... 

coach Festa was also celebrating 

Out of his thirteen racers 

Only two were eliminated 

Unlike his past years 

When almost the whole team is done 

By the first round 

I say that’s a victory 

That deserves a party 

Over the two weeks off 

I practiced hard 

And I prayed hard 

Thanking him for the miracles 

And asking him for more 

Race one of the second round was tricky 

The races were desperate to win 

So the race track was hot 

Burning my feet to a crisp 

Trying to keep up 

I ran out of fuel 

I lost the race 

I was not ashamed 

Nor was anybody else 

Because its the first race 

No one was expected to win 

I made sure not to blame God 

Because at least he got me here 

Mom saw disappointment on my face 

She had to remind me 

There were still six races left 

And I rejoiced happily knowing this 

Just as father would have done 

Race two 

Three

And four were a blast 

You should’ve been there to see me fly 

Through those 3000 meters 

As though they were nothing 

I hurt badly 

I struggled heavily 

To cross that finish line 

But u still did 

Something gather never did 

I have a slight feeling 

That God put me here 

For a good reason 

And I’m only fifteen years old 

Yet I burn this race track 

The three remaining races 

Please 

They were nothing to me 

Because I know how to run 

I know how to burn 

Because the race track is mine 

The Third And Final Round 

God 

How is this happening 

Jones 

I have already told you 

I am creating a work 

Greater than your after 

God 

I’m a nothing 

How can I be greater than my father? 

You asked me for some miracles 

You ask 

And you will receive 

Mother was speechless 

As we all were 

Festa knew my father 

Because he used to run with him 

Back in the day when they were still young 

Festa also knew dad’s failure 

To reach the third round 

In his first year 

The third round is sad 

If you lose 

You are out 

Only four racers left 

So only three races left

When I hit the track today It was a buzz 

Many people showed up 

Because its Win or Lose 

And many come to see tears

I could tell I was a target 

Because father was a target 

I ignored the crowd 

And focused on my race track 

I know God is on my side 

I loosened up fast 

And I raced fast 

Putting the kid in front of me 

Behind me fast 

I got the finish line 

First and fast 

Something also happened 

My leg had tightened 

As I crossed that line 

The pull was fast and strong 

And as the trainers had said 

My knee was badly done 

Thank God it didn’t break 

Jones 

Jones 

Jones 

What now 

I hurt like Hell 

Does he not know that 

Was he not watching 

As I pained 

Jones 

Jones 

Jones 

Yes God 

Here I am 

Why are you mad 

Because I’m in pain 

I might not make next race 

How far do you want to go 

What kind of question is that 

I want to win 

How can I now 

I don’t care what happens 

I just want to win 

And show the world that I’m done 

Living in my father’s shadows

Jones 

How much are you willing 

How much faith do you have 

How much trust do you have in me 

I don’t know God 

But I will give it all 

For a chance to win 

That’s all I want 

Jones 

Be sure of this 

That He who began a good work in you 

Will always bring it to completion 

The coach said I was done 

If I wanted to go next season 

It was best to rest 

But I refused 

I insisted on running 

No matter what 

The race track was eventful 

The pain ran through my body 

Like a triple edged sword 

But I still insisted on running 

I didn’t get first place 

But I also didn’t get last 

The guy behind me did 

Meaning I was still alive 

For the last race 

With this knee 

I don’t know if I can make it 

It is swelling like a melon 

And it hurts more than before 

Mom doesn’t like the idea 

Of me losing my knee 

Just for a trophy of some sort 

She said she doesn’t think it’s worth it 

And I keep telling her 

I’m not doing this for myself 

But for father 

For God 

For the world 

Because it doesn’t believe in miracles

Coach told me to rest 

But I showed to practice 

With my giant knee in ice 

And prayers on my mind 

And I ran 

All week long 

Until I knew I was going to die 

Mom dragged me to the doctors

And they told me to rest 

They told me to be a loser 

They are telling me the impossible 

I told them only once 

If God told me to stop 

Then I’ll stop 

They are speaking from Satan 

Because he speaks only the impossible 

The race track was wild 

Everyone’s attention was on me 

The kid with the sprained knee 

And yet still running 

I could use some more support 

Than their silly pity for me 

Poor me 

I hurt 

Poor you 

I have God on my side 

The leg brace was annoying 

That’s why I removed it 

I needed air in the leg 

But the brace was blocking it 

So I took it off 

Mom and Coach yelled at me 

I limped onto the race track 

The other kid was Trevor 

He was pretty good 

But if I tried hard enough 

I could easily beat him 

We shook hands 

And set our marks 

Jones 

Jones 

Jones 

Yes God 

Here I am 

Do you believe 

That you are better 

Yes God 

I do 

I created you to be you 

You may not know this 

But you are already greater Walk in my light 

And I’ll show you the way 

It hurt to bend the knee slightly 

At the moment I looked up

The finish line looked so close But yet so far away 

My mind was already racing Before my body even started 

I looked at Trevor 

I tried to smile but wheezed I heard the signal 

Blinked once more 

Gathered up all my strength And I took off 

I stayed right behind Trevor 

And cried with every step 

But I was running like never before 

Trevor was going way too fast 

And my knee was screaming 

But it turns out 

That Trevor overdid it 

And in 8 minutes 

He ran out of air 

He slowed down slightly 

I pulled the last string 

And got ahead of him 

Breaking down while at it 

As I slowed down to a stop 

I collapsed to the ground 

I thought I was going to die 

The pain took everything from me I went blank 

Dad wasn’t supposed to die 

But he did 

And it will stand that way 

He died a champion 

And he left something behind 

That would be me 

God told me 

Father died for a reason 

So that I could have a turn 

The doctors said I destroyed it 

It would take forever to heal 

But I didn’t care 

It has served me well 

It took me to the race track 

Where it got me a first-place medal 

I lay in my bed tonight 

Singing my praises to God 

Because he did his good work 

All I had to do was be it 

Just as father had done